‘Tis the season for binge-watching. I revisited New Girl during my break and, once again, fell in love with Schmidt (played by Max Greenfield) and his witty comments. I was reminded that he’s lovable, funny, absurd and just the right amount of douchiness.
When I sat down to watch my first ever episode of the FOX comedy, I was watching strictly for Zooey Deschanel (weren’t we all?). Now that the show has ended, it’s Jessica Day’s roommate that I can’t get enough of. Schmidt always delivers the best one-liners and he does so in a way that no one else can.
Celebrate Schmidt with these 20 Schmidt Quotes Guaranteed to Make You LOL:
“Bathtubs are medieval filth cauldrons.”
“I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Alyssa Milano’s phone number just by randomly choosing numbers.”
“I can’t talk right now. I’m writing a strongly worded email to my florist.”
“Can you believe the zoo wouldn’t let me borrow their white tiger? I mean, the nerve! Philip Seymour Hoffman is going to be sitting at the back of the party thinking, ‘Look at that guy. He couldn’t even get a big cat’.”
“I’m gonna have to run all the way home and I have my slipperiest loafers on.”
“Can someone please get my towel? It’s in my room next to my Irish Walking cape.”
“You’re listening to the radio and writing with a pen? What decade are we in?”
“We’re broenemies. He’s my fremesis.”
“Damp towel, damp! It’s like a really big wet nap. I feel like I’m being licked by a golden retriever. Look at this bathroom. There should not be two girls in this bathroom. You’re too humid.”
“I’m like a sexual snowflake — each night with me is like a unique experience.”
“I had figure skating lessons until I was 13 and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy.”
“Winston, you’ve been staring at this girl for five minutes. Please tell me you’re checking her out, otherwise, you’re a serial killer. Which would explain a lot.”
“Pine has no place in this loft. It’s the wood of poor people and outhouses.”
“Are you cooking a frittata in a saucepan? What is this? Prison?”
“Old people freak me out with their hands and their legs. They’re like the people version of pleated pants.”
“I don’t celebrate Christmas, okay? Or, as I like to call it, ‘White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night’.”
“Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived?”
“Please take that thing off. You look like a homeless pencil.”
Watch New Girl in its entirety now on Netflix.