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Schmidt Binge Watch New Girl Holiday Break
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Schmidt is the Reason to Binge Watch ‘New Girl’ This Holiday Season

‘Tis the season for binge-watching. I revisited New Girl during my break and, once again, fell in love with Schmidt (played by Max Greenfield) and his witty comments. I was reminded that he’s lovable, funny, absurd and just the right amount of douchiness.

When I sat down to watch my first ever episode of the FOX comedy, I was watching strictly for Zooey Deschanel (weren’t we all?). Now that the show has ended, it’s Jessica Day’s roommate that I can’t get enough of. Schmidt always delivers the best one-liners and he does so in a way that no one else can.

Celebrate Schmidt with these 20 Schmidt Quotes Guaranteed to Make You LOL:

“Bathtubs are medieval filth cauldrons.”

Schmidt Bathtubs

“I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Alyssa Milano’s phone number just by randomly choosing numbers.”


Schmidt Youths
FOX / BuzzFeed

“I can’t talk right now. I’m writing a strongly worded email to my florist.”

“Schmidt happens.”

Schmidt Happens
FOX / giphy

“Can you believe the zoo wouldn’t let me borrow their white tiger? I mean, the nerve! Philip Seymour Hoffman is going to be sitting at the back of the party thinking, ‘Look at that guy. He couldn’t even get a big cat’.”

“I’m gonna have to run all the way home and I have my slipperiest loafers on.”

“Can someone please get my towel? It’s in my room next to my Irish Walking cape.”

Schmidt Irish Walking Cape

“You’re listening to the radio and writing with a pen? What decade are we in?”

“We’re broenemies. He’s my fremesis.”

“Damp towel, damp! It’s like a really big wet nap. I feel like I’m being licked by a golden retriever. Look at this bathroom. There should not be two girls in this bathroom. You’re too humid.”

“I’m like a sexual snowflake — each night with me is like a unique experience.”

Schmidt Sexual Snowflake

“I had figure skating lessons until I was 13 and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy.”

“Winston, you’ve been staring at this girl for five minutes. Please tell me you’re checking her out, otherwise, you’re a serial killer. Which would explain a lot.”

“Pine has no place in this loft. It’s the wood of poor people and outhouses.”

Schmidt Pine
FOX / Pinterest

“Are you cooking a frittata in a saucepan? What is this? Prison?”

“Old people freak me out with their hands and their legs. They’re like the people version of pleated pants.”

“I don’t celebrate Christmas, okay? Or, as I like to call it, ‘White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night’.”

Schmidt Christmas

“Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived?”

“Please take that thing off. You look like a homeless pencil.”

Schmidt Homeless Pencil

Watch New Girl in its entirety now on Netflix.